Originally published in the Daily Hampshire Gazette

NORTHAMPTON — Brandon Downy can tick off several reasons he’s thankful he went to jail, but none is as big as this — instead of pretending he’s a good father, as he used to do, he can proudly say he actually is one now.

“It’s a very difficult thing to talk about,” Downy told a roomful of people at Hotel Northampton at a graduation ceremony Tuesday for the Hampshire County Sheriff Office’s Nurturing Fathers Program. “I want to be there (with my child) to help them out. I’m just very thankful to go to jail, it was a big help. It sucked, but it was a big help.”

The 27-year-old appeared nervous at times as he spoke from his podium perch, looking down or away from the microphone, but he remained composed as he talked about how he ended up at this celebration.

He spoke about his previous struggles with addiction to alcohol that had caused him to go to jail. He spoke about being unable to provide for his son, who has autism and requires constant care every day of the week. He spoke about being more preoccupied with being perceived as a bad father, rather than facing the truth that he actually was one.

Downy wasn’t alone Tuesday. Seven other men joined him at the graduation, where they celebrated completing the 13-week course on fatherhood. The sheriff’s office and The Children’s Trust, a Boston nonprofit whose mission is to stop child abuse in Massachusetts, began partnering to offer the Nurturing Fathers Program in 2016 and have since graduated 140 fathers from the program.

The program helps fathers build and strengthen their parenting skills and bonds with their children and gives them nurturing tools that can give their children a better future. Trained facilitators provide feedback and individualized support to help program participants.

The program began for incarcerated men, but expanded last year to include men in the community as well. Many attend the program on the advice of a probation officer or through the recommendation of a probate court.

Dozens of friends, family members and supporters gathered in a ballroom at Hotel Northampton to enjoy a dinner program of prime rib, cooked ham and New England clam chowder.

At the event, graduates took to the podium to share their experiences on how the program has affected their views on fatherhood, with several public speakers joining them, including Hampshire County Sheriff Patrick Cahillane.

“The most important part that we play in the life of children is just by being a good parent and a role model,” Cahillane told the attendees. “Programs like this start with the idea that we are better together, we’re always going to be better together. We share love, instead of anger, and when we provide support or guidance to one another, we do better together.”

Max Lavallee, one of the graduates, spoke about how even after finishing the program, he would continue to go to meetings and enjoyed the sense of community he found there.

“When I go there, I know there’s people with similar problems and similar issues as me,” he said. “I was under the impression at first it was going to be something that would help me legally, as opposed to being something totally different.”

The program meets every Tuesday, with meetings held at both the Northampton Recovery Center and inside the jail multiple times a year. Topics discussed at meetings include anger management, overcoming substance abuse, and processing events from their own childhoods.

Connor Dunn, a 29-year-old father from South Amherst who was a graduate of the most recent program held, was at the ceremony with his son Eddie. Dunn said he appreciated the program as a way to meet people from different backgrounds, and felt it was a place where he wasn’t judged, contrasting it with programs like Alcoholics Anonymous.

“Our confessions are not the point,” Dunn said. “It’s a good way to meet new people who are responsible.”

Luke DeRoy, a 30-year-old who graduated from the program last year, is a friend of Dunn who first told him of the program. Though he has already graduated, DeRoy continues to partake in events.

“It feels like you have a place,” he said. “The regularity of the meetings allows it to easily slide into my schedule. Even if nothing is really going on, I sometimes just stop by the recovery center.”

Max Lavallee, one of the graduates, spoke about how even after finishing the program, he would continue to go to meetings and enjoyed the sense of community he found there.

“When I go there, I know there’s people with similar problems and similar issues as me,” he said. “I was under the impression at first it was going to be something that would help me legally, as opposed to being something totally different.”

The program meets every Tuesday, with meetings held at both the Northampton Recovery Center and inside the jail multiple times a year. Topics discussed at meetings include anger management, overcoming substance abuse, and processing events from their own childhoods.

Connor Dunn, a 29-year-old father from South Amherst who was a graduate of the most recent program held, was at the ceremony with his son Eddie. Dunn said he appreciated the program as a way to meet people from different backgrounds, and felt it was a place where he wasn’t judged, contrasting it with programs like Alcoholics Anonymous.

“Our confessions are not the point,” Dunn said. “It’s a good way to meet new people who are responsible.”

Luke DeRoy, a 30-year-old who graduated from the program last year, is a friend of Dunn who first told him of the program. Though he has already graduated, DeRoy continues to partake in events.

“It feels like you have a place,” he said. “The regularity of the meetings allows it to easily slide into my schedule. Even if nothing is really going on, I sometimes just stop by the recovery center.”

Click here to learn more about the Children's Trust Nurturing Fathers program.