Originally published in the Daily Hampshire Gazette.

NORTHAMPTON — One man aspired to be a father who listens when listening is needed.

Another rattled off the many traits that he wants to be as a father, ending with, “Most importantly, I will love her.”

And a third father said he will fight for his children, no matter what.

These were just a few of the things the 2024 graduates of the Nurturing Fathers program aspire to be as fathers. The 10 men shared a last meal at a graduation ceremony on Tuesday to certify completion of the 13-week course offered by the Hampshire County Sheriff’s Office that provides guidance and counseling to fathers.

Graduating were Kendall Bridges, Enrique Olivo, Darren Hill, Sam Rodriguez, Cory Menard, Jessie Hosmer, Ismael Sala, Lance Sax, Abel Santos-Solis, and Patrick Lupa — all of whom gave a brief testament of the fathers they envision for themselves to become.

Rodriguez aspires to be, “Someone who listens when listening is needed. Who provides words of wisdom ... and chooses to be reliable and available when needed.”

“The father that I choose to be is the father that I never had,” he concluded, addressing those gathered in the Roosevelt Room of Union Station, with a dozen or so tables set to accommodate the graduates and their families.

The Nurturing Fathers program teaches fathers how to build parenting skills and strengthen bonds with their children. Organized by the sheriff’s office and The Children’s Trust, the program started in the Hampshire County House of Corrections in 2016, but later expanded to men in the Hampshire County community with the Northampton Recovery Center and Ware Recovery Center.

In addition to the stars of the show on Tuesday, others in attendance included Sheriff Patrick Cahillane, Northwestern District Attorney David Sullivan, state Rep. Aaron Saunders, D-Belchertown, and representatives from Children’s Trust. The latter is a state agency charged with the prevention of child abuse and neglect, and sponsors Nurturing Fathers programming throughout the state.

Over the past eight years, there have been about 160 graduates, with 99 of those issued diplomas while incarcerated. Only three of those 99 have returned to jail after release, demonstrating the program’s impact toward lessening recidivism, and that students have been “taking to heart what they have been delivered” as Cahillane said, congratulating graduates.

Testimonies

Each of the graduates took a few minutes at the ceremony to share their journey and articulate what kind of father they are striving to be.

In his vision statement, Menard said, “I choose to be a supportive father who will always be there. I will be there to teach and provide everything that I can do for my daughter. I will do all of that, without showing anger or yelling. I will encourage my daughter to be herself, with lots of praise. Most importantly, I will love her.”

Menard also highlighted that, “This program has taught me that unless you have an open mind, you can’t learn something.”

Sala shared that, “My life wasn’t dandy before these things, ya know?” speaking about Nurturing Fathers. “Without being with my kid, I felt lost. He means the world to me, and I love teaching him.”

Sala, who took the time off from work to make the Tuesday night meetings and is graduating for a second time, gave the message: “Fight for your kids. No matter what it is, fight for your kids.”

“With calming myself down and learning how to speak to my significant other we finally made an agreement that I could take my kid every week and it’s been two years and I wanted to come back and renew what I learned.”

Santos-Solis thanked those present using the few words of English he knows, but then gave a long-winded address in Spanish.

While DA Sullivan joked that his two years of high school Spanish years ago didn’t pay off in understanding what Santos-Solis said, he was able to understand the tone and sincerity conveyed in Santos Solis’s voice. He commended him and all the other speakers for their “courage” in taking the podium, and said they serve as an example for all fathers.

The reasons why fathers join the program are varied, and for some it is a stipulation for probation, but Nurturing Fathers is in no way limited to only those with a criminal history. This was the first class under the mentorship of co-facilitators Brandon Downey and Louis Paduano, both of whom graduated the course within the past couple years, and who also shared glimpses into their journey.

Downey shared that, “Everyone is so different” in the program, and jested that “They come for the gas cards but stay for the fellowship.”

Downey was in Hampshire County Jail just two years ago, and graduated from Nurturing Fathers following his release from six months in the jail.

“It’s like a good Tuesday reset for me, and, like, I need it. I need it every single week,” said Downey, giving his own testimony from the podium.

“All the guys that come here, like really inspired me and helped me just keep pushing forward. I’ve been able to see my kid twice since I’ve been out of jail, and it’s very difficult. I’m just trying to push through. That’s just what I have to do. This place keeps me sane and grounded.”

Summarizing his message: “Remain Teachable,” he said.

One aspect of the Nurturing Fathers model that he said is that it doesn’t allow for the most common excuses of why people would ordinarily stop showing up to meetings.

“Need someone to watch your kid – we have a hired babysitter. Don’t have the money to get there – we give you a $20 gas card. Need to eat – well, we got food. All our bases are covered so they [participants] have no reason to skip,” he said.

Paduano, who has no history of incarceration, said that at its heart the group is for “men who want to be better fathers” and serves as a venue to alleviate stigma.

Paduano was at Osaka Japanese Sushi and Steak House in Northampton enjoying a hibachi dinner when a conversation with Program Director Vuthy Chhum turned to the importance of fatherhood and led him to participate in Nurturing Fathers, he shared.

Nurturing Fathers has attracted multiple awards since it was established in 2016. In 2018 it was recognized with the Emerging Leader Award. In 2023 Sheriff Cahillane was awarded the Governor Cellucci Fatherhood Award, and this year, Chuum and Case Manager Demetra Balis were awarded the Community Visionary Award for their work in the program.